I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
