I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
