what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
