I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've blown a few things in my day
you traded sex for a burrito?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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