If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
