I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
sex in a hospital.. check
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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