She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
