Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
