I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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