U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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