did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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