Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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