my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
