I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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