After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
