youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
