I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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