holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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