I think I am morally bankrupt
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
