i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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