dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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