Non-Jews are for practice
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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