I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
