My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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