Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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