Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
