As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
