I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
