I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
