I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
