They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
