I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
