You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
