I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize