Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
