You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
