I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
