Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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