i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Randomize
