dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
