Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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