Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
