Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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