go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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