She announced her abortion via fbk
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
