3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
