He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Don't make out with my wife yet
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
