I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
