I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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