I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
