I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
