Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
