Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
