I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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