You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
