You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
