dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
