You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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