I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
