I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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