That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
