I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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