Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize