I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
