I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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