Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
