We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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