My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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