Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
