Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
