how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
