your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
