Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
