she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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