Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
