is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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