Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
