I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
