If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
