Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
