I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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