some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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