ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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