Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
