Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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