Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
