Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
