Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
