google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
