Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
