This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
