any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
