It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
