y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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