All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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